Am I tough enough?

The last couple of weeks have been a complete roller coaster for my ego. Why? I have had Wasatch on the brain. In a few short days I will be pacing my good friend, Lloyd, in the Wasatch 100 mile endurance race. Lloyd is running 100 miles(on his birthday no less). I will be pacing him for the last 25 miles, primarily in the dark.

I have never paced anyone before. I have never been running in the mountains. I have never been running at night. I have only run 25+ miles twice before in my life. But, somehow Lloyd thinks this is a good idea. I find myself caught between a complete freak out and not wanting to make this about me. I am the pacer. I am supposed to be at his service. Doesn't "at his service" imply that I will be sound of mind throughout the race and able to predict his needs as they arise, or ideally before? Oh, and aren't I suppose to be able to hold a certain pace? As my husband asked, "who is going to pace you?" And what about the cougars and "sheer cliffs" I read about in the course description? The fear factor has been piling fast.

I hope you aren't reading this Lloyd.

Then I realized that this is an adventure, an opportunity to push myself to my limits. As Lloyd pointed out - He will be so beat up by mile 75 I won't have to worry too much about holding a specific pace. This will be a test of endurance, not speed. My most important challenge here will be to look out for my runner, keep him safe, keep us moving and get to the finish line. It may take upwards of 10 hours, but I can do that.

Right?

Am I going to be able to hold it together mentally for myself enough to hold it together mentally for Lloyd? Am I strong enough for this kind of toughness? One thing I know for sure, I really want to find that out, but not at the expense of my dear friend's hard work and training leading up to this race. Should he have picked someone else?

No. I can do this.

See? The cycle continues.

Tomorrow morning I fly to Utah with Emmylou - we'll be staying at my parent's house. I don't think I will have access to a computer so this is it. Insomnia has already begun, but at least Emmy is sleeping through the night these days.

In other news my big girl is tough enough. First day of school.

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